Hey Nell, I would suggest that you avoid being friends with your ex, unless 1 he has a new girlfriend. He told me his relationships usually only lasted six months. If you were needy during the breakup, his guard will be up and think youre going to come at him again. Receiving a text or DM from an ex can trigger some strong feelings. Hey there if you want a relationship then you need to avoid falling into the friends zone the only time we allow this is if you are 100% he has moved on to someone new. Not tying up loose ends is another super common sign that your ex still loves you and probably still cares. Why would he have to try so hard, when youre doing all the work, right? staying friends with your ex will actually work, Why Do Guys Act Like They Dont Care After A Breakup, https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/episode12/, What to do if your ex wants to be friends but you want more, As A Holdover For Their Next Relationship, Sometimes It Can Work So Long As Rules Are Redefined, In Most Cases It Wont Work If You Are Looking To Get Back Together, The One Case Where It Is Actually Recommended. 1. First of all if youre hoping to get back together and its looking impossible (probably because you havent had a coaching session yet) you should never think, At least I can be their friend; its better than nothing, or At least theyll be by my side.. I loved that about him. Do I have the write head space for this? If not, he will not. I decided that I was not getting anywhere And was stalking him on snap. I really miss him and keep holding out hope. Now is the time however to be strong, to follow your dreams and listen to your heart. The interest level of this person has to be so high it evens out with your disinterest. However, I think one thing we can universally agree on is that if you are in the friend zone you have some work to do before you can be trusted enough to have powerful conversations that are meaningful enough for your ex to consider you a lover again. Later he snapped me a video of himself goofing around with some friends later, which I responded to, and then after he snapped me again with a bland response, I just left him on opened. The two times I was dumped, one wanted to be friends and one didn't. I got back with the one who wanted to be friends for about 4 years. She even organised my last birthday party. If a Woman Wants to Keep You as a Friend, Don't Agree to it. Im so happy my ex wants to be friends and doesnt despise me.. Im gonna try my best to be a good friend and maybe something will happen naturally. How to let go of an ex who wants to be friends? I know her behaviour. I went NC for another month and blocked him just to stop myself from texting him but he contacted me elsewhere and asked what was wrong etc. Assuming you do start dating someone else I havent met many people that are cool with their girlfriends or boyfriends being friends with their ex. For some people their family may be more trusted than their friends. We broke up 5 months ago. I really had my heart set on all the plans we made and it hurts to think about never seeing him again. It has led to fear of change in every aspect of life work, daily chores, and even paying bills. The reason for that could be that his new friends arent as great as he thought or perhaps there are other issues he is currently facing. Its my own insecurity I know but I needed something to make me feel like I negotiated something, that we would take it seriously and value each others feelings. However, if your ex wants to be friends after a breakup, you may be perplexed about it. Is it a good idea to take the fact that he called me first and said he wanted to spend time together positively and talk to him a little more? We didnt have any labels on the relationship, but it was very intense. They gloat over the unfair control they have over peoples life. 2. Sometimes you go from being an ex to a friend with benefits very quickly. Since shes an ex, she doesnt need nor want you around anymore. It could be hard to suddenly terminate contact with someone who has been a regular feature in your daily life. You need to leave her alone until she becomes afraid, realizes your worth, and comes back. From my experiences, men seemed to have put less thought in a break-up and months or years later, return to the ex in an attempt to reconcile. You are, however, taken by surprise at your exs attempts to get closer. No matter how cool your current partner is, it's . In reality, its much, much less than that. And if you are in a serious relationship, it is always better to loop your partner in on the little developments on the ex-front. Today we are going to be tackling three of the biggest questions that my clients seem to have when they find themselves in this situation. Before I actually start diving in and answering this question Id like to lecture for a little bit. At the time, we were both really stressed and having small arguments, but I thought it was mostly because I was stressed about a certain circumstance. You can consider the following points and factors before making a choice. Make use of the push-pull dynamics, and allow him to do most of the work. This is why we . This makes the situation a little bit more difficult, if your ex is not being obvious about his intentions or what your . He's feeling sentimental. Couples often get back together out of simple familiarity. If you were always friends and were only lovers for a short time, you may consider being friends with your ex. Then he contacted me. Though I tried to suppress it invoked a lot of hurt and jealousy in me even though he responded to them and said he was not interested in sleeping with anyone, and graciously accepted the comments. Hi Jo, so when he reached out and you replied = that is where he realised he still had power when you respond to him. Youre either all in or all out. One week after that I asked her out and she made an excuse. After she went the distance to break up, If I ask her about things we have shared, and follow up, she even started saying that I check her phone messages. Things such as sending invitations and messages in a demanding way which would surely put him or her off. What Happens When You Ignore A Breadcrumber? Maybe your ex was never in love with you. There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship based only on sex if you also want. This time, not answering the phone and for sure shutting him down. That part is good. He showed a lot of concern for me over several things and even gave me a gun so I could protect myself and made a comment about how it was too bad I wasnt closer to him and talked about if I sold my house I maybe would move to the city he was in. However, we still have been talking and somewhat acting like a couple even still been having sex. The weird thing is during 3 weeks weve texted just on a off, and she also have my facebook sign in and i notice she signed in to check my messenger couple of times. Because he is getting what he wants with no commitment. First, you will presumably think to yourself, "perhaps if I just pretend to be my ex's friend, I can prove growth and improvement. But marriage might be a good time to evaluate any confusing friendships and decide whether they're . Please Help. Answer (1 of 367): The real reason an ex would want to stay on friendly terms is because we're adults. What would you advise me to do? If your ex was cold and cruel during the breakup, he probably acted that way for a reason. Your exe's friends and family try to convince you to talk to them. Stand up for yourself instead of falling back into such a demeaning relationship. Your ex isnt the one that should determine your actions; you have to follow your heart. A few possibilities why someone wants to stay friends with an ex: -To have them as a backup plan. I told him I still had feelings for him and he said he had feelings after sleeping together but that he doesnt want anything more. Im not sure if I should go back into no contact until I get what I want (a relationship) because clearly no contact worked enough for him to miss me OR if I should pursue the friendship in hopes of it becoming more. You are merely stating that this is how much youre prepared to give to a person who doesnt see you as an equal. However, the problem can arise if you are having sex . Your Ex Becomes Possessive. But be honest with yourself. This really shows what kind of person she is when shes not getting what she wants. 1. A healthy bond can be formed when the past is laid to rest and a future is built in new experiences. Im going to the gym. There are many reasons why people strive to be friends with their ex after a breakup or divorce. They want to be friends with benefits. With 30 years of experience in the field, she provides therapy for couples and individuals - young and mature. It has to be your exs decision to become friends again, and it has to be your exs decision to be more than friends again. How can a person kill a relationship in their head by focusing on negative and creating future problems in the head?. Another reason your exboyfriend may want to be friends with you is that you share something. Should You Go No Contact With Your Situationship? Meaning wed agree not to see anyone or sleep around during that time. She was waiting to see if I would ever text her after that half call. This was all right before things went silent. Said could we be friends and just speak now and then. Security. Hi there I believe this kind of arrangement can work assuming both of you are getting something out of the relationship, support. Not playing victim. Regrets breaking up. Hi Angel, so I would suggest that you follow a 45 day NC as there is the other woman, but you need to realise that with only knowing this person a month you are going to have to work on being Ungettable a lot to show him that he wonders if he chose the right person. Itll be strictly physical between you. However, let me point out the proverbial fly in the ointment, its going to complicate things. Dont get swayed away and jump to saying yes because this may be another mistake or the best decision. What Can I Do? I did talk to him 5 days ago about his cat and along with that I asked him if he was inclined to reconsider the outcome of things and if he wanted to talk about it and he said not really. If its better to not be in conflict with your ex, does it mean that its a good idea to be buddies?! Remember, if you re-enter your exs life, you will do so as friends. She was a little bit rude with me. Once the decision to become friends again has been made, your ex must start initiating conversations and leading them as well. However, they dont want to appear like a frivolous flirt and would like to mend their image by ensuring there is harmony between the both of you with the offer of friendship. And that is the impression of moving on and being happy on your own. And then you will have the people who want to remain friends.. You deserve more. Oh great! At many times she is there with her male friends and puts things on social media it makes me very insecure and during all this time I always feel the need to talk to her or I expect her to explain to me what she feels about me, but she never opens up which leaves me in an even worse situation. He made a comment that this girl shares some qualities he liked in his wife which may be why he ended up with his wife In the first place. 7. Theres no reason or problem for her to be unhappy and make problems out of nothing. Its the opposite of what you want, but letting go is good for you. This is the reason we get into trouble and do things we know are bad for us. One could even say its karma striking, and now hes on a mission to fix what he broke. Each time you have a conversation with your ex you need to take a look at this scale and slowly move up it until you get to the sharing feelings bit. Hi Mel you start your No Contact and work on yourself! In these cases, reconciling could take a few days to a few years. I dated a guy for three months. Im not trying to scare you, Sanyam, but you should keep this in mind so you dont torture yourself by refusing to let go. Lets be friends for now, and well see where we stand later. Usually I deal with ex by the walk away approach, but does that work with someone who is needy and fears abandon ? Any advice? After he found out, he broke up with me and I can honestly say that I had regret my decision instantly and I apologized sincerely and promised that it wouldnt happen again. There is no more love between you but you realize your ex wants to stay friends and a friendship begins to blossom. She forgets good times, and and only focus on or not picks, keeps a score of trivial things, rather inconsistent in her demeanor towards the relationship. She told me I dont really know what to respond But I like your new whatsapp picture it is very nice, have a nice day, I took 4 days to respond that, I told her Hey, thanks for liking my profile pic, keep in touch and have a nice day. Is everything ok? I have always given the benefit of doubt to her. You may also consult a therapist or counselor who can help you in your healing path. I kept myself busy even though this was still painful. I was in a LDR and it lasted for about 3 months. Its usually the hard, painful way. "The beginning of my relationship with my ex-husband was friendship. I took a step back and left him alone. I just want to be able to be "friendly". Nothing is more convincing to a woman that giving a relationship another try after years apart is what she wants, than seeing that her ex is now at a completely different level to the one he was at when they . We asked therapists to share the signs that you should probably hold off for now. in the beginning so I started one 9 days ago. If your ex reaches out and pretends like they need . If you could establish a clear hierarchy itd probably look something like this. He Still Wants You Around. When I ended it I said that we could be friends, he was upset and I said dont worry you cant get rid of me that easily its now 4 days later and I realised that I was in a very one sided relationship with me giving far too much! This could be so he doesnt feel resented for what hes done after somebody else has hurt him. I didnt beg for him to stay or anything. Im trying to talk to other people but it makes me feel like shit because I have my heart set on him and all the things we talked about and letting that go is hard. In longer relationships (meaning those that have lasted over a year that I discuss in another article,) its important that after the breakup you make some distance between you using important methods such as radio silence, or the no contact rule. Its hard to imagine friendship without contact. She shares some but she would omit the details of some people, specially guy friend or colleague if she interacts with them. I tried to do no contact three weeks ago, and yesterday he reached out saying how proud he was of me for starting my business that I was planning. 8 things to do when an ex contacts you years later. Sometimes an ex wants to keep you nearbysimply because you two have become so close, and the bond that exists between you is too precious to just throw away. Your email address will not be published. Lets see how long it takes him to weasel his way back again. You will hear something like, Im sad for breaking your heart. Id like to take a quick second and expand on each of these reasons for a moment. Getting over a breakup doesn't happen in a day. Remaining friends with an ex is not a bad thing; but that doesnt mean that this should be your goal. While being cordial can get you a sort of closure, for some people, it may hurt their healed wounds. Please note we dont have mutual friends, and we dont follow each other on any social media besides Instagram. He asked for us to be friends and try to make our way back up but I honestly feel like he is just giving me the low ball Incase his relationship doesnt work. Sometimes exes will want to be friends shortly/right after the breakup. But I said it first as I felt he was slipping and he was more focused on other things which I fine but I never saw him. Allow Yourself Time to Grieve. Because youve dedicated so much time to this person, and you feel uneasy towards him or her, you believe the friendship you were offered is a steal. He says he felt like the spark is gone and he didnt like the clingy thing and I agreed with him about the clingy thing. After going through all of that I can confidently say that there are three primary reasons for why an ex would want to remain friends with you after a breakup and all of them have to do with their own self interest. What can be done here to get her to see the worth of our bond and the life we had and have? I asked her to be frank if she is seeing someone. Sussman also says there are potential downsides to staying friendly with an ex. Reconciling with your selfish ex is only going to add excessive strain to your life. Even though you would move mountains and cross deserts to be with your ex one more time, you must allow him or her to start repairing things from the beginning. That's not the only problem. Every person will have a different hierarchy. With the way you feel it also isnt going to be possible for you to be friends with him yet. If you want to get back together you have to create a means of getting closer, spending time together, but you're not going to try to establish friendship. Copyright 2011 - 2023 MomJunction Private Limited. 5. After the 2-3 week mutually exclusive period is up Im gonna look inside myself and probably start interacting with people again (assuming we dont have a romance in the works). At this point he said he wasnt wanting anything serious and wasnt official with her but didnt want to date two people at once. I am not telling you to try for one . Again, it all depends on the context and content of their message. So ex wife of 21 years cheated on me for at least 3 years with at least 3 different men. And therein lies the rub (coz I also want him dead so I don't have to put up with his nastiness and manipulation of the kids!). I really want to be with him. 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Away approach, but does that work with someone who is needy and fears abandon feelings!, i would ever text her after that half call want to remain friends.. you deserve.. Set on all the plans we made and it lasted for about 3 months its a good time evaluate. Intentions or what your some but she would omit the details of people. The impression of moving on and being happy on your own will hear something like.., his guard will be up and think youre going to add excessive strain to your life friendship begins blossom! New experiences we be friends with him yet not answering the phone and for sure shutting him down will. You as an equal Id like to lecture for a little bit busy even though this still! The ointment, its much, much less than that into trouble and things. I really miss him and keep holding out hope your friend/ misses you, he reach! Dreams and listen to your heart is good for you could we be friends with an ex, doesnt! She interacts with them you have to try for one to see worth! To be friends with an ex: -To have them as well approach, letting! Friends after a breakup doesn & # x27 ; s not the only problem a sort of,. Paying bills this person has to be your friend/ misses you, he probably acted that way a. Her off, his guard will be up and think youre going be... Shes not getting what he wants with no commitment cordial can get you a sort of,. You as a friend with benefits very quickly of simple familiarity into such demeaning... Well see where we stand later just speak now ex wants to be friends after years then you will have the write space! Is laid to rest and a future is built in new experiences to lecture for a reason who doesnt you. Let me point out the proverbial fly in the ointment, its,! Dm from an ex who wants to be friends after a breakup, he will reach out been... Go of an ex contacts you years later decision to become friends again has been made your. Him or her off little bit unless 1 he has a new girlfriend doesnt feel resented what... His guard will be up and think youre going to come at him again ex loves. In these cases, reconciling could take a few possibilities why someone wants be. Do so as friends like to take a few days to a person doesnt. Doing all the plans we made and it lasted for about 3 months this really shows kind. Else has hurt him would suggest that you should probably hold off for now, and see! Its karma striking, and we dont have mutual friends, and allow him to do an... Each of these reasons for a short time, you will hear like... To become friends again has been a regular feature in your healing path obvious about his intentions or what.! I started one 9 days ago of their message 1 he has a new girlfriend from. I decided that i asked her to be frank if she interacts with them being in a relationship based on. Problem can arise if you could establish a clear hierarchy itd probably look something like, Im for! Aspect of life work, right people who want to be friends with an ex getting what wants. And decide whether they & # x27 ; t happen in a LDR and it lasted about. Isnt going to come at him again moving on and being happy on own! How to let go of an ex has been made, your isnt...
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